Windows Isn't Vulgar, I Swear-- by Nate Winter

As I mentioned in my last post, Microsoft has hired ad agency golden boys Crispin, Porter & Bogusky to fix the Windows PR problem and make the ubiquitous OS brand lovable. The most recent result is the "Windows 7 Was My Idea" campaign, in which everyday PC users recommend new features for Windows 7. Overall I think it's a good campaign. I don't like the "Seal of Approval" series, but other than that I think the messaging and executions are solid.

But as Windows matures into a fully dimensional brand with a personality, I've noticed some growing pains. The point that really sticks in my craw is the cringe-worthy faux swearing in the recent Windows 7 ads.

I mean, look at this general TV spot for Windows 7. When the cute Indian girl wearing the Microsoft lanyard says "Abso-frickin-lutely!" it makes my face squinch up like a rotten pumpkin. Overall, I'm pretty indifferent to Microsoft, but in that moment I'm so embarrassed for them that I feel uncomfortable in my comfy chair in the comfort of my own home. Hell, it makes me uncomfortable in my own skin.

Obviously the campaign intends to make the Windows brand more personable, but this is not the answer. It's so contrived, so awkward and such a pathetic, thinly-veiled attempt at eliciting-- I don't know what they were going for, exactly-- respect? Interest? Laughter? Charm?

Only slightly less painful is the "Seal of Approval" ad where Diana flies to Tokyo. (To view this spot, click here. Within the top viewing window, click the video entitled "Diana.") In the version I've seen on TV a few times, Diana is so wowed by Windows 7 she reacts with an indecipherable profanity that's bleeped out. Groan. Roll eyes. Sigh.

A quick YouTube search for this ad yielded a clean version with no implied profanity, which is far more pleasant. So it's not like swearing was the honest reaction of a real person and there was only one take of it. No, it's clear that there were at least two reactions, both caught on film. And still the U.S. audience is subjected to the painfully awkward bleepy version.

This is but one part of Microsoft's struggle to integrate vulgarity into its brand personality. The software giant faced a more public self-depantsing back in the fall. On October 13th, Microsoft announced its sponsorship of "Family Guy Presents: Seth & Alex's Almost Live Comedy Show"-- a Fox special based on its popular animated sitcom Family Guy. The sponsorship also included a branded entertainment agreement wherein information about Windows 7 would be woven into the plot and dialogue of the show. This step into a world of crude cartoon comedy was a bold move toward a newer, cooler Microsoft, and the news media took note.

Then on October 26th (not even two weeks later), Microsoft rescinded its sponsorship after execs attended a taping of the show and realized that Family Guy's "content was not a fit with the Windows brand." The show addressed topics including the Holocaust, incest, feminine hygiene and deaf people-- the exact type of edgy humor that has characterized Family Guy for a decade. And yet a shocked Microsoft pulled out of the deal in a panic.

Meanwhile all the media attention Microsoft garnered when it inked the deal came back as a resounding "I told you so." A failed attempt at popularity and a bonehead PR move-- that's the Microsoft we know and feel indifferent about.

Microsoft is trying to grow its Windows brand into something that resonates emotionally with people in a positive way. It's a lofty goal, and certainly the correct one. However, witnessing the excruciatingly accident-prone puberty of this stuffy, geeky brand is too painful to tolerate.

Vulgarity just isn't part of the Microsoft or Windows brands. So why force it? There are plenty of other likable personality traits Microsoft could adopt, such as clean humor (make us laugh the old-fashioned way), charity (donate Windows PCs to schools, non-for-profits, etc.), nerdliness (be nerdy in a cute way). There are plenty more fun traits that could fit the Windows brand, but vulgarity simply isn't one of them.

So listen, Microsoft and CP&B, you're better than this. I know you can turn Windows into a brand with personality, but you're off to a rough start. So let's role play for a moment. You're Van Wilder and I'm Professor McDoogle, your stuffy, white-haired economics teacher.

Me: This is the "dare to be great" moment you're always talking about. You're on the verge of expulsion. So c'mon, kid. Let's see what you're made of.

-- Nate Winter

A Flawed Series of Windows 7 Commercials. Whose Idea Was That?

I'm seeing a new wave of TV spots from Microsoft where everyday Windows users fly across the world to test out the Windows 7 features they asked for. It's part of the "Windows 7 Was My Idea" campaign in a series identified as "Seal of Approval" on the Windows 7 YouTube channel (which houses all the videos described in this article. Click the "Seal of Approval" tab in the top window of the YouTube page.)

The Seal of Approval spots are about making someone fly halfway across the world for an extremely brief demonstration of the Windows 7 features he or she suggested. So here are my questions: Who's idea was that?! And, has that person been fired?

I like "Windows 7 Was My Idea." It has emotional appeal and an inclusive message. It suggests a culture and a camaraderie among Windows users. Microsoft is bringing the computer back to the people (like HP's "The computer is personal again") and democratizing the development of new features by taking suggestions from the peanut gallery. It's a solid idea upon which to build a campaign.

And with the "Seal of Approval" series, I think having people approve the features they suggested is a great extension of the idea. But flying them across the globe to do so just doesn't make sense to me.

And it's not like there's a universal destination (such as Microsoft's headquarters in Redmond, Washington). Diana flies from New York to Tokyo, Tyrone from London to Texas, Tom from Berlin to California, and Sophie from France to Tokyo. In seeing the spots on TV, I couldn't for the life of me figure out why our Windows users were shuttled off to these various locations.

Upon further review I inferred that these locations represent the headquarters of the equipment manufacturer shown in each spot. Diana and Sophie fly to Tokyo to test Toshiba and Sony computers, respectively. Tyrone goes to Austin to test a Dell desktop, and Tom visits California to test an HP. But I only figured this out because I was curious enough about the seeming randomness of these destinations to hunt down the videos and watch them repeatedly.

Despite Microsoft's and Crispin, Porter & Bogusky's best efforts, these spots still offer me a phantom reminder of the PC's most notorious perceived flaw-- when you get it home and start it up, it just doesn't work that well. OF COURSE Windows 7 works flawlessly in the R&D lab at the headquarters of the company that built the computers! The test that matters is how it works in the imperfect scenarios of the real world.

It's this kind of thinking that reminds me of the failed Vista operating system. It presumably worked well in testing, but upon release to the public was found to be incredibly buggy and unsatisfying. This issue was then amplified by Apple in a number of its Mac vs. PC ads, and helped seed an opinion that PCs are unreliable and annoying to use. At this point Microsoft hired Crispin, Porter & Bogusky (arguably the hottest creative agency in the world) to stop the bleeding and put a positive spin on Windows computing.

And after all that, these Microsoft ads still don't show PCs succeeding in the real world. They simply fail to contest Apple's assertions that PCs are problematic in everyday situations. In fact, the message they send is very much the opposite. These ads reinforce the PC's negative reputation by showing the extraordinary lengths a user must go to for a great PC experience. Tokyo, anyone?

Maybe refuting negative opinions toward the PC wasn't the goal of this ad. To that, I argue that fixing the PC's PR problem should've been the goal, or at least a goal (for the reasons stated above). And it's a goal that could've easily been achieved with a simple change: bringing the computers to the people.

Don't make loyal PC users fly around the world to use Windows 7 in your laboratory. Bring the computers to them and let's see Windows 7 succeed in the imperfect everyday environments of the average user. Then you show the PC as a strong option in the area where many consider it weak. It may not solve the PC's PR problem, but it rebuts the negative opinion strongly and directly.

Think about Tom, the Berliner who requested easier wifi connections, flying to California to test an HP laptop. Wouldn't Tom's experience (and by extension the viewer's) have been more meaningful if he'd actually tested wifi connectivity around the places he frequents in Berlin?

And in my opinion, bringing the computers to the user is just more accommodating than asking our users to take a couple days out of their schedule to fly around the world to test the manufacturer's computer. Honestly, it's this situation that initially rubbed me the wrong way and caused me to think more closely about why these ads don't work. As I said before, showing PC users traveling halfway across the globe in search of a satisfying PC experience sends a fundamentally flawed message.

A small factor in all this is whether our Windows 7 users are real people or paid actors. They appear to be regular Joes and Janes, but there's room for doubt. Microsoft's "Laptop Hunters" ad series (which you can also view on the Windows YouTube channel) seemed to show us everyday people looking for great deals on a laptop, until users pointed out some editing glitches and discovered that one of the laptop hunters was a member of the Screen Actors Guild. Hmmm, suspicious. (Read the AdAge article on this here.)

Whether the Seal of Approval spots are real or not, you'd need a rather heroic suspension of disbelief to play along with these commercials. No one wants to fly from London to Austin just to look at a Windows 7 laptop for a couple minutes (or in Diana's case, four seconds). And if there is more to these stories-- like VIP treatment, time to enjoy the destination city-- then tell us about it. Especially if it makes the primary narrative more credible.

Ultimately, a more believable narrative and a more poignant marketing message would've come from bringing the computer to the people. "Windows 7 Was My Idea" is a strong foothold for effective marketing, but execution in the "Seal of Approval" series was a misstep. And with the future of PCs riding on the new Windows OS, someone must take credit and responsibility for every Windows 7 idea, especially the bad ones.

-- Nate Winter

Smart-Tea Plants-- by Nate Winter

This is a response to my post from May 13th about the Wisdumb of Yogi Tea. I've just stumbled across another player in the tea category offering words of wisdom. And unlike Yogi Tea, this brand has advice that won't make you gag.

The brand is Honest Tea. They're a bottled tea intended to be enjoyed cold (as opposed to Yogi Tea's bags for hot drinking). Under the cap, Honest Tea offers a few words of honest inspiration. Here's what my bottle had to say:

You can't change the wind: you can, however, adjust your sails. -- Unknown

Is this the most mind-blowing, easily actionable advice you've ever heard? Hardly. But it's a nice metaphor for rolling with the punches-- something that applies to everyone's life. It gets points for thoughtfulness, and coherence where Yogi Tea failed miserably-- and that's the truth.

After all, a little Honest Tea never hurt anyone.

-- Nate Winter

Let's Fix Stouffer's-- by Nate Winter

Two days ago I caught a glimpse of a TV spot for Stouffer's frozen food. I was quite taken by its new campaign, "Let's fix dinner." I liked its message about togetherness (like Lowe's "Let's Build Something Together"). But more important, I thought, was it's recognition that the American family dinner is flawed and ought to be fixed. I found the wordplay of "Let's fix dinner" cleverly rewarding, and I gave Stouffer's kudos for taking on a social issue relevant to its brand.

Today (two days after seeing the ad), I told my co-worker Brooke about "Let's fix dinner" by visiting the campaign website. We noticed some research-based statements on the benefits of families eating dinner together. Some of the statements are engaging and meaningful, like

Studies show the more often teens have dinner with their families, the less likely they are to smoke, drink or use drugs.

But it's downhill from there. The most embarrassing claim (from that same page of the site) goes like this:

Research shows teens who have frequent family dinners are likelier to say they get mostly A's and B's in school.

Likelier to SAY they get mostly A's and B's?! Right, because we all know how honest teens are. While talking to their parents. About their grades. At the dinner table (a social situation they can't escape from). Here's some honesty: what's a more lie-inducing scenario than that?

That claim could be easily mean "The more teens eat dinner with their families, the likelier they are to lie about their grades to avoid an awkward situation during dinner." And yet Stouffer's tried to spin this lazy, inconclusive research like a positive, as if no one would notice. Forgive me, Stouffer's, if I'm no longer convinced of your interest in solving real-world dinner dilemmas.

But wait, there's more.

Then Brooke brought up the 800-pound gorilla problem with "Let's fix dinner": you don't actually cook Stouffer's. It's frozen food that you heat in the microwave or the oven-- not exactly what I'd call "fixing dinner."

To me, fixing dinner implies pots and pans, multiple raw ingredients, stirring. Fixing dinner doesn't have to be full-fledged cooking-- even a product like Hamburger Helper would have a leg to stand on with "Let's fix dinner," but not Stouffer's. I'm afraid dropping a frozen brick of overly processed, sodium-saturated food product onto your microwave carousel does NOT count as fixing dinner.

So at the end of the day, Stouffer's has succeeded in reminding me of everything that's wrong with America's dinner tables: unhealthy processed food, parents too busy to cook a nutritious meal and short-sighted teens eager to tell their parents anything but the truth to avoid a lecture.

Stouffer's needs to keep its mitts off America's dinner tables, and fix its marketing message instead.

-- Nate Winter

Yogi Tea's Words of Wisdumb-- by Nate Winter

My coworker Emily has a cup-a-day Yogi Tea habit. And since her desk is next to mine, I was quickly introduced to the product, even though I'm not a tea drinker. Yogi Tea's brand is all about health, Zen, yoga, inner peace, etc. Part of that is a message of Yogi Inspiration on each tea bag. It's a few words expressing "life's simple truths, created to awaken a sense of goodness within you."

Healthy, organic tea with a thoughtful, optimistic message. It's a fun little point of differentiation in a crowded category. So I admitted I was impressed.

But when I said, "Okay, read me one" things took a turn for the worse. As it turns out, these Yogi Inspiration phrases are terrible. They're trite, awkwardly written and, in some cases, downright incomprehensible.

Here's a sampling of Yogi Inspirations I find especially moronic:

• Appreciate yourself and honor your soul.
• The universe is the stage on which you dance, guided by your heart.
• The soul is projection. Represent it.
• Unite with your own higher self and create a friendship.
• Trust is the infinity of your soul.

Call me crazy, but that's a bunch of nonsensical gibberish. Not a single one of those means anything, especially if you're looking for something to incorporate into your own life. "Oh right, my soul is projection. Today I'll remember to represent it. Problem solved."

It makes me wonder if they created an algorithm that randomly selects Zen-friendly words like soul, self, truth, universe, heart, infinity and just strings them together in a phrase that sounds vaguely meaningful.

Many of the phrases are better than the ones above, but not by much. The absolute pinnacle of coherent advice you can actually do something with is "A relaxed mind is a creative mind." And it's only useful because it applies directly to me as a creative person. Everything else is fit for a Successories poster in a guidance counselor's office.

Lucky for you, the Yogi Tea website that has collected all the Yogi Inspirations into one place. Check out the nerve center of thinly veiled idiocy here.

Again, the idea behind this is great. But execution fails miserably. If they'd simply hired a decent writer (like Emily or me) to craft some thoughtful, meaningful phrases, I think Yogi Inspirations could really impact people. Instead, it comes across as a cheesy gimmick trying too hard to sell a feeling with their tea-- which is probably what it was in the first place.

-- Nate Winter

What Were They Thinking?: PomegranatePhone.com-- by Nate Winter

This article is a review of the marketing campaign at http://pomegranatephone.com. Go through the site until the "creative idea" is revealed to you. Afterward, I hope you'll return to read my thoughts.

So it all wraps up with the line, "Someday you'll be able to get everything you want in a device. Today you can get everything you want in one place-- Nova Scotia."

My initial reactions? Disgust. Insult. Ravenous desire to reclaim 3 minutes of my life.

It doesn't take a National Geographic writer, a mobile technology guru or a half-conscious adman to realize that this concept is hopelessly disconnected. Smart phones and travel to Nova Scotia have nothing to do with one another, and this campaign makes no attempt to connect them. Ultimately, the all-powerful technology device as a vehicle for allegory is purely arbitrary. The whole thing hangs on a verbose punchline with uninspired wordplay.

Stacey Jones-Oxner, a representative of the campaign, said, "Since there is so much buzz out there around the newest and latest smartphones, we thought this was a good device to use. This is especially true when you consider that the people who are interested in the latest technology are often people involved in business and tend to be key influencers." Evidently the campaign targets "those with clout in cities such as Boston, Toronto, Ottawa and Calgary. " (cited from L.A. Times)

So apparently techies are the campaign's target audience. That's a bit of a head-scratcher to me, but fine. So be it. That notwithstanding, the Nova Scotia area of the site makes no attempt to relate back to technology, tech savviness or just an opportunity to unplug. Combine that with the glaring absence of a call to action, and you've got some pretty pitiful marketing on your hands.

Then there's this business of "Everything you want in one place." Not exactly a compelling unique selling proposition. I'm sure dozens of travel destinations have made this claim, and doubtless dozens more could, too. This line has been used outside of the travel category, too. I specifically recall Corbis, a stock photo site, using that line. It's completely unoriginal and uninspiring.

Originally, I thought this punchline was the work of a laid-off Family Guy writer, someone whose livelihood depends on the humor in random things being put together. But I was wrong. Apparently the whole campaign was created in-house by the Nova Scotia tourism board. No agency involved? You don't say.

And it takes entirely too long to get to the point. By the time the jig was up, I was ready to leave the site. From what I can tell, the actual Nova Scotia content on the website is very nice. It appears to have the same high production value, and it's actually applied to the product!

Probably worst of all, is the whole concept is based on a joke we've seen and heard ad nauseum-- hyperbole that takes the iPhone's legitimately impressive list of features to a ridiculous conclusion. Here's how Saturday Night Live poked fun at the iPhone. This skit aired in January of 2007. Scores of imitations and responses popped up. Then in October 2008, over a year and a half later, Nova Scotia's Pomegranate Phone launched. And they still felt compelled to make the exact same joke that SNL did about a smart phone that makes coffee. It's oblivious and ignorant at best; idiotic at worst.

CONCLUSION
This campaign website boasts beautifully high production value and a piss-poor concept. Flashy video effects don't make good advertising-- big ideas do. And this campaign didn't have a big idea.

It exemplifies the mindlessness, superficiality and ennui that plagues today's advertising. It's campaigns like this that inspire legions of untalented and misguided creatives to join our industry with the hopes of developing work just like this.

If there's a silver lining here, it's my sincere hope that this pitiful bait-and-switch campaign will also be revealed as a hoax, giving way to a legitimate creative idea. In which case, I'm happy to be the angry blogger who took the bait.

-- Nate Winter

Lisa P. Maxwell Video Business Cards-- by Nate Winter

I've written a couple posts about the new Lisa P. Maxwell website and its live streaming video of every employee. We've found an outlet for the video streaming beyond the agency website: online contact information.

I'll explain. Every employee's video stream is incorporated into a unique web page that contains all their contact information. Example: Here's the card for me, Nate Winter. Every employee has a page like this that we use as email signatures by putting the link at the bottom of every email. It makes our contact information easily available, while also reducing visual clutter and data volume in each message. Of course the most noteworthy characteristic of the digital email signature is the individual's streaming video. (NOTE: You won't see my streaming video if I'm not in the office. So if you check the link outside of normal business hours, you'll probably see a still photo of me instead.)

In the existing format, these pages are essentially digital business cards. This is an idea I've never encountered before. It has an novel appeal.

Although, I don't like that text of the contact information is an image. This was done so that the Lisa P. Maxwell branded font could be used consistently with our content. This is an important aspect of branding, however I think that there's a significant sacrifice in functionality in doing it this way. I'd prefer selectable HTML text, so that anyone who wanted my contact information could simply copy it from my digital business card page and paste it wherever they needed to. In it's current state someone would have to physically retype or write down all the data. This is both inconvenient and creates opportunity for errors.

But that aside, this is a very cool re-envisioning of of the email signature and the business card.

-- Nate Winter