Windows Isn't Vulgar, I Swear-- by Nate Winter

As I mentioned in my last post, Microsoft has hired ad agency golden boys Crispin, Porter & Bogusky to fix the Windows PR problem and make the ubiquitous OS brand lovable. The most recent result is the "Windows 7 Was My Idea" campaign, in which everyday PC users recommend new features for Windows 7. Overall I think it's a good campaign. I don't like the "Seal of Approval" series, but other than that I think the messaging and executions are solid.

But as Windows matures into a fully dimensional brand with a personality, I've noticed some growing pains. The point that really sticks in my craw is the cringe-worthy faux swearing in the recent Windows 7 ads.

I mean, look at this general TV spot for Windows 7. When the cute Indian girl wearing the Microsoft lanyard says "Abso-frickin-lutely!" it makes my face squinch up like a rotten pumpkin. Overall, I'm pretty indifferent to Microsoft, but in that moment I'm so embarrassed for them that I feel uncomfortable in my comfy chair in the comfort of my own home. Hell, it makes me uncomfortable in my own skin.

Obviously the campaign intends to make the Windows brand more personable, but this is not the answer. It's so contrived, so awkward and such a pathetic, thinly-veiled attempt at eliciting-- I don't know what they were going for, exactly-- respect? Interest? Laughter? Charm?

Only slightly less painful is the "Seal of Approval" ad where Diana flies to Tokyo. (To view this spot, click here. Within the top viewing window, click the video entitled "Diana.") In the version I've seen on TV a few times, Diana is so wowed by Windows 7 she reacts with an indecipherable profanity that's bleeped out. Groan. Roll eyes. Sigh.

A quick YouTube search for this ad yielded a clean version with no implied profanity, which is far more pleasant. So it's not like swearing was the honest reaction of a real person and there was only one take of it. No, it's clear that there were at least two reactions, both caught on film. And still the U.S. audience is subjected to the painfully awkward bleepy version.

This is but one part of Microsoft's struggle to integrate vulgarity into its brand personality. The software giant faced a more public self-depantsing back in the fall. On October 13th, Microsoft announced its sponsorship of "Family Guy Presents: Seth & Alex's Almost Live Comedy Show"-- a Fox special based on its popular animated sitcom Family Guy. The sponsorship also included a branded entertainment agreement wherein information about Windows 7 would be woven into the plot and dialogue of the show. This step into a world of crude cartoon comedy was a bold move toward a newer, cooler Microsoft, and the news media took note.

Then on October 26th (not even two weeks later), Microsoft rescinded its sponsorship after execs attended a taping of the show and realized that Family Guy's "content was not a fit with the Windows brand." The show addressed topics including the Holocaust, incest, feminine hygiene and deaf people-- the exact type of edgy humor that has characterized Family Guy for a decade. And yet a shocked Microsoft pulled out of the deal in a panic.

Meanwhile all the media attention Microsoft garnered when it inked the deal came back as a resounding "I told you so." A failed attempt at popularity and a bonehead PR move-- that's the Microsoft we know and feel indifferent about.

Microsoft is trying to grow its Windows brand into something that resonates emotionally with people in a positive way. It's a lofty goal, and certainly the correct one. However, witnessing the excruciatingly accident-prone puberty of this stuffy, geeky brand is too painful to tolerate.

Vulgarity just isn't part of the Microsoft or Windows brands. So why force it? There are plenty of other likable personality traits Microsoft could adopt, such as clean humor (make us laugh the old-fashioned way), charity (donate Windows PCs to schools, non-for-profits, etc.), nerdliness (be nerdy in a cute way). There are plenty more fun traits that could fit the Windows brand, but vulgarity simply isn't one of them.

So listen, Microsoft and CP&B, you're better than this. I know you can turn Windows into a brand with personality, but you're off to a rough start. So let's role play for a moment. You're Van Wilder and I'm Professor McDoogle, your stuffy, white-haired economics teacher.

Me: This is the "dare to be great" moment you're always talking about. You're on the verge of expulsion. So c'mon, kid. Let's see what you're made of.

-- Nate Winter